if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
