People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
