Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
