Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
