If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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