I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's just like the Real World with babies
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
