I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
