____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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