dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
