That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
