my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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