Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
