Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
