my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A bitchslap is in order.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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