i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
