i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
