She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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