My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
