y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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