By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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