Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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