shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
