no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
