This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
