i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
