Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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