dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
