haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
