I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
