Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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