Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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