12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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