peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
