I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
