Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
