I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
