Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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