I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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