I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
