Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
