All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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