What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
