time to smoke my breakfast
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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