ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
