My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
