shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
