Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
