Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
