Already got asked if we're dating
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
