you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
