I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
