About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
