Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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