he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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