got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
