hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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