I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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