too bad you live with your parents still
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
