I am in a vortex of obligation.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
