Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
