The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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