I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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