today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
